True Love Is Never A Guessing Game

True Love Is Never A Guessing GameThis is part 5 of my 10 part Life Lessons Series, where each week I will be taking a lesson (in random order) from 10 Life Lessons From 30 Years, sharing my own personal experiences with that lesson, and expanding it into a more detailed post. This week, Life Lesson Number 5:

Love should never be a guessing game. Someone who is genuinely interested in you and has your best interest at heart will never leave you guessing as to their true feelings for you. Anyone who leaves you guessing is either uninterested or manipulative– run, don’t walk, in the opposite direction. And while we’re on the subject, kindness and humor are hands down the two most important qualities to have in a partner.

TRUE LOVE IS NEVER A GUESSING GAME

This is a difficult post for me to write, it’s never comfortable to admit the ways in which you were once naive, or foolish, or manipulated. But out of all the lessons I’m sharing, this is one of the ones I wish I’d understood when I was younger. But girls are taught that if a boy pulls your pigtails on the playground it means he likes you, and all the popular movies about complicated heroes who just need the love of a good woman to mend their ways dominate the narrative, so here we are.

IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Like most people, I’ve had my fair share of terrible relationships and non-relationships. And to be quite honest, the vast majority of these relationships occurred in my head. I spent my teens and early twenties assuming that love was a guessing game. One where you obsessed over and analyzed every single text, email, sign, or look from the person in question, sure that you would be able to discover the depths of their true feelings for you.

When they were mostly distant, with crumbs of affection and caring, I latched onto the crumbs and discounted the majority. Not seeing the manipulation—that I was being given just enough to keep me invested, convinced that they were only distant because they were scared or because it was “complicated.”

NO MORE BLANK SPACES

So what I mean when I say that most of my relationships were in my head is that I would take all the blank spaces and fill them in with my own imaginings and longings, guessing at their feelings and desires.

It wasn’t until I’d been through the ringer, several times, and reached a point and an age where I decided to put myself first, and then happened to meet a GREAT guy, that I realized that love was never supposed to be a guessing game. The right person is never going to leave you pouring over texts and emails, trying to decipher their every smallest indication about their feelings for you.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

So if you ever catch yourself trying to justify a person’s actions, or dissecting their smallest emoji for deeper meaning, consider that perhaps they don’t have your best interest at heart. That no person worth your time is going to leave you guessing or wondering about their feelings or intentions.

A person who has your best interest at heart, is never going to leave you a trail of breadcrumbs to follow, or leave blank spaces for you to fill with your own imaginings. They will be clear with you in their words, and consistent in their actions, and you’ll suddenly realize what you’ve been missing all along.

Thank you so much for reading! If you’re enjoying following me, please make sure you subscribe to The Undiscovered Journey so you never miss a post! <3

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1507599_10101071639327992_578663414_nCarina Covella is a writer and currently working on her forthcoming memoir, Love Dogs, detailing her six month transformational journey from Hollywood through India. Carina graduated from Barnard College, Columbia University cum laude with a degree in Art History. She also attended the Sorbonne in Paris and studied opera at the Manhattan School of Music through the university exchange programs. Until recently she lived in Mill Valley, California with her wonderful Welsh boyfriend Anthony in a house nestled in the trees, but now they’re off on a two year adventure around the world. When she’s not writing or traveling, she loves to cook for her friends and family.

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6 Comments

  1. August 22, 2017 / 3:38 AM

    So much truth here. I’ve always been the one to doubt myself, think something is wrong when really it’s just in my head. That was years ago. And like you, after putting myself first I also met an awesome guy that I now call my boyfriend. I really think that, “We accept the love we think we deserve,” is one of the truest sayings when it comes to any relationship, whether intimate or not.

    • August 22, 2017 / 12:14 PM

      Thank you so much Alexxa! So glad that you too learned to put yourself first and met a great guy! And yes, I totally agree that “we accept the love we think we deserve.” Here’s to discovering out self worth! <3

  2. August 22, 2017 / 11:45 AM

    Oh honey, there’s so many lessons to be hard from love. Unfortunately they’re usually difficult ones to swallow. I know how you feel, but hope you’ve found the one that’s made you stop guessing!

    • August 22, 2017 / 12:16 PM

      Oh I for sure did Kirstin, he’s my travel partner in crime! 🙂 <3

  3. August 23, 2017 / 8:57 AM

    I second Alexxa’s comment! That’s been one lesson travel has helped teach me and I’m so appreciative – getting the chance to explore the world you inevitably meet so many more people and learn from all those interactions. With each past romance I’ve had, I’ve gotten closer and closer to figuring out what’s important to me in a relationship, and to realizing there are men out there who think I’m as badass and spectacular as I do who will treat me with the respect that I deserve.

    Sometimes I think it just takes a lot of trial and error to figure it out, but then I read things like this and start thinking we just need more amazing women role models sharing their wisdom! Looking forward to the rest of the lessons in this series.

    • August 26, 2017 / 2:03 AM

      Aww thank you so much Sarah! And yes, totally! I don’t think it’s any surprise I met Anthony while traveling, it does teach you so much about yourself and gives you so much self confidence. So glad you are realizing how awesome you are! <3

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